From Hon Member Reg SuttonLIKE JOHNNY WALKER - HE’S STILL GOING STRONG!Here’s good news for you the first eighty years are the hardest. The second are a succession of birthday parties. Everyone wants to carry your luggage and help you up the steps. If you forget your name or anybody’s name, forget to keep an appointment, promise to be at two or three places at the same time or spell words wrong, you need only explain that you are over eighty. At eighty you are not young enough to know everything! If you spill soup, your shoes don’t match, or if you carry a letter around a week without mailing it, that’s alright because you are over eighty. You can relax with no misgivings, you have a perfect alibi for everything. Nobody expects much of you if you act silly, it’s your second childhood. Everybody is looking for symptoms of the brain. It’s a great deal better than being 65 or 70. At that time they expect you to retire to a little house in Essex and become a discontented, grumbling, limping, has-been, BUT if you survive until eighty, they’re surprised you can walk; surprised that you can reveal lucid moments. At 70 people are mad at you for everything. If you ask me, life begins at eighty. Lucky me! I think I stole this, but I can’t remember who I stole it from . That’s OK I’m over eighty. CINEMA’S TOP CLICHESHave you noticed how we all accept things in films as realistic that never happen in real life they have become movie cliches. US website Vertigo’s World Of Movie Lists has compiled a list of the most common cliches amongst which are to be found: Dogs always know who’s bad. Sudden acceleration of a car causes a loud skid, even on wet roads Caves always have flat floors and it’s never fully dark.
| Bombs always have big, blinking, beeping timer displays. Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people are always thoughtful people enough to include a visible display of how much time remains. If a hero or villain takes the lift, villain or hero can beat it by taking the stairs, even if the trip is 20 floors. The hero and heroine in love always get a great table in a restaurant, even in New York City at lunch on a Saturday. All women moan during sex, but none sweat. Whenever anyone goes shopping, they come back with stuff sticking out of the top of the shopping bag - usually carrot tops and French bread. There is strong possibility that they will drop it or collide with a future partner. Unlike real life the brown paper bag never splits. Mothers will prepare a breakfast, usually scrambled eggs, bacon etc. Dad and the kids will invariably arrive at the table 30 seconds before dad has to leave for the office and the kids have to catch the bus. Each will have time for only a sip of coffee/juice and/or one bit of toast. Why hasn’t Mum realised? Most babies are born huge, usually the size of the average two-month-old, clean with dry hair. Female executives always wear miniskirts and five inch heels to work.
If you like to explore further the web address is www.like.it/vertigo/cliche A totally different view of the movies can be found at www.Crosswalk.com, a US web site for Christians that includes film reviews, warning of what they see as ‘unsuitabel content’. The film Notting Hill carries the comment “Romantic world view with heavy pagan elements and amoral ending; 41 obscenities and 12 profanities plus many sexual references” It concludes with the comment that ‘EXTREME CAUTION’ is advised for viewers. Check out the review of South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut which gets an ‘EVIL’ rating. |
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