Sir Sydney Samuelson CBE, a regular reader of AMPS Newsletter has found time in his busy schedule to send us the following compilation of...

MOVIE QUIPS & QUOTES

I am pleased to submit some of my favourite vintage quotations by film folk over the years. They come to you as a result of late night browses through my movie trivia books. I hope your readers will find some nostalgic interest, especially the quotes on the subject of ‘sound’.

THE COMING OF SOUND.... They made me sound as if I’d been castrated - Tallulah Bankhead; 100% talking! 100% singing! 100% dancing! - Hollywood publicist’s mathematical miracle; Talkies didn‘t do more to the industry than turn it upside down, shake the entire bag of tricks from its pocket, and advance Warner Brothers from last place to first in the league - Variety; They are doing away with the greatest boon that has ever been offered to the deaf- (I don’t know who said this but it is a thought provoking observation); The tinkle of a glass, the shot of a revolver, a footfall on a hardwood floor, and the noise of a pack of playing cards being shuffled, all sounded about alike - pioneer sound recordist; Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of wet toilet paper - critic Rex Reed of Marlon Brando; MARX BROTHERS CLASSICS.... This is a gala day for you - That’s plenty. I don’t think I could manage more than a gala day; I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thoughts I’ll dance with the cows and you come home; You‘re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, which doesn‘t say much for you; Why don‘t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?; Ah, Mrs Rittenhouse, won’t you...lie down?; I never forget a face. But in your case I’ll make an exception; ACTORS WORDS.... The most important thing for a star is to have an interesting face. He doesn’t have to move it very much. Editing and camera work can always produce the desired illusion that a performance is being given - George Sanders; I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph Shirley Temple; There‘s less in this than meet the eye - Robert Benchley after seeing an arty film; This long but tiny film - critic Stanley Kauffman on Isadora; OTHER CRAFTS AND PEOPLE.... In a good movie, the sound could go off and the audience would still have a perfectly clear idea of what was going on - Alfred Hitchcock; Shooting a film is like taking a stagecoach ride. At first you look forward to a nice trip. Later you just hope to reach your destination - François Truffaut; She thinks she doesn‘t get old. She told me once it was her cameraman who was getting old - producer Joe Pasternak speaking of Doris Day; I can‘t imagine any guy giving her a tumble - Carl Laemmle, owner of Universal, talking of Bette Davis; A wide screen makes a bad film twice as bad - Samuel Goldwyn; Making a film is like going down a mine - once you ‘ye started you bid a metaphorical goodbye to the daylight and the outside world for the duration - John Schlesinger; Writing for movies is no worse than playing piano in a brothel - writer SJ Pearlman; Finally comes PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE QUOTE.... Barbara Stanwyck is my favourite. My God, I could just sit and dream of being married to her, having a little cottage out in the hills, vines around the door. I’d come home from the office tired and weary, and I’d be met by Barbara, walking through the door holding an apple pie she had cooked herself and wearing no knickers - Herman Mankiewicz, Oscar winning co-writer of Citizen Kane, who said of the other writer, Orson Welles, “There, but for the grace of God, goes God.”

To you and your readers, a very happy 2000. 

(Thanks Sir Sydney, and a very happy 2000 to you too - the Eds)

 I WISH I’D RECORDED THAT!

 - More Memorable Movie Lines

“All the animals come out at night - whores, scum, pansies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies. Sick. Venal. Some day a real rain will come and wash the scum off the streets” 

Robert De Niro, Taxi Driver

“Infamy, infamy - they’ve all got it in f’me”

Kenneth Williams, Carry On Cleo

“Oh Jerry, don’t lets ask for the moon, we have the stars” 

Bette Davis, Now Voyager

‘This is the West. When legend becomes fact - print the legend”

 Newspaper man, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence

“Go ahead. Make my day” 

Clint Eastwood, Sudden Impact

‘Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore” 

Judy Garland, The Wizard of 0z:

“I’ll be back” 

Arnold Schwarznegger, The Terminator

“1 ain‘t sorry for you no more, you crazy palm singing skinny old maid”

 Humphrey Bogart, The African Queen

 ‘Tm sorry Dave. I’m afraid I can't do that”

HAL, the computer, 2001 - A Space Odyssey

“Honey, I’m home”

Jack Nicholson, The Shining 

"Now that you‘re got the mine I bet you'll be a swell gold digger”

Stan Laurel, Way Out West 

“Do you expect me to talk?” “No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die” 

Sean Connery/Gert Frobe, Goldfinger

 ‘That’s. ..that‘s in every contract. That’s... that‘s what they call a sanity clause” “Ha ha ha you can‘t fool me. There ain’t no Sanity Clause” 

Groucho Marx/Chico Marx, A Night At The Opera